Cumpleaños and Christmas

I'm 21 now.
I've always kind of hated my birthday; it makes me feel as if I've been wasting time, because I haven't done anything great yet, but in Spain it hardly felt like my birthday so we celebrated like this:

A fresh clean house, a long nap, Skype with the parents, dinner courtesy of Michelle's mom, delicious, the cheapest beer, champagne, dessert cakes, cookies and whipped cream, a funny little dog, good tunes, Sydney's beautiful voice, Lauren's house for wine, Green Porno, laughs and Adderall, Planta Baja for awesome oldies and dancing like a crazy person to Grease songs and the Beach Boys, meeting up with Javi & Co, beers, vodka, Vogue, which actually had good music, too, back-handing some asshole that tried grab my ass, dancing, dancing, dancing, a surprising sunrise and endless energy, two attempts at after-parties that were creepy and small, Lauren's house for weed and more laughs, walking down the street with Michelle and laughing uncontrollably for what seemed like hours, back to Sydney's to follow her around and giggle like idiots while she got ready to leave for Christmas, a feeling like how the fuck is it Christmas, a long walk home, total collapse.

So, you know, now it's Christmas and I'm in a cuddle puddle with the kitties and the blanket my dad and Karen sent me, and it doesn't feel real, or important, so I'm gonna kill time and watch movies until tomorrow, which is much more important, because Casey will be here. HOLYFUCK, is this real life?

"JFK airport is such a shithole. I can see how you didn't make your flight."

Holiday Hibernation

It's been a while since I've written an "update" post and I guess that's for pretty predictable reasons, mainly that I'm just sort of getting into the swing of things and living a normalish life. Also, a reason would be the fact that Casey is coming in four days, and that fact has made it pretty impossible to think of much more. But, life is good, I'm loving my new house, especially my cozy bed now that it's equipped with flannel sheets, a feather comforter and a regular comforter that is my favorite color, and generally with a cat or two, or even a dog. We had our housewarming party a while ago, which was a total success minus one dog bite and some puke in the bidet. Yesterday I even finally took down Borja's posters and put up my own stuff, which makes it feel a lot more like home.

Also yesterday, I unexpectedly received TWO packages at the same time! One from my mom and Todd and one from Karen and my dad. So far I've opened several treasures, like a nice cozy blanket, some sweet little glass hearts, tasty Twin Palms dried tomatoes and peach jam from my dad and Karen, and the stocking I use every year, full of goodies, and a big yummy candle and some chocolate from my mom. I'm trying to open them slowly so I at least have one or two things to open on my actual birthday and on Christmas. It made me so happy, and also sad, because I miss them, and I've never missed Christmas before.

After getting my package Karim came and picked me up on his motorcycle and we went to get sushi/Chinese food with Leti and her friends. I've never actually been to one of those moving belt sushi places! Unfortunately, I didn't actually get to eat sushi since they didn't send any veggie rolls by, but I had some rice, noodles and SESAME BALLS. Very exciting. Afterwards we went to Booga for karaoke, which was pretty funny, although, I'd never heard ANY of the songs, of course. I had a good night, but I was really annoyed with myself for being super awkward. I just can't help being really lame around new people, especially when they all know each other and I'm still figuring out the language. Everyone was really nice, though, so I'm glad I went at least.

Anyway, my winter break has officially begun, so Gypsy and I are spending lot's of quality napping time together (although this morning I woke up with Gato and the dog and not him, oops.) A lot of quality time with the bed, in general, 'cause it's cooold! Writing in bed, reading in bed, watching Shameless in bed... It's hibernation season!

December

December is cold, cold bones, hope and waiting, that impatient movement in my knees, closing my eyes and standing up on big old bricks, arms spread, fantasies like you on your back, balanced up there under a blanket. December is a deep sigh, mottled gray skies, holiday promises, layers of cloth. December is one more inch up, one more year turned gray and expired, warm things and spices, a month long desire, a smoking candle wick, the moment before the lights come back on. December is a worn out favorite sweater, a white and silver time, thin as paper, hands pressed together, a far-off fireplace in the redwoods. December is the tense ache from holding yourself together, rushing or not moving at all, forest green and mahogany red, extra layers, steam, in cups and out of mouths, in the damp bathroom. December is sleeping long hours, kitten kisses on my chin, blank walls, stagnation, cuddle up indoor days, words spilling out everywhere, wishes. December is one frozen snowflake on the windshield, your long legs stepping into white, your steely eyes fluttering.