The duality of my brain is amazing and terrifying to me sometimes. I have so much love for humans, but half the time I'm terrified of them. I spend so much time burrowing into my own brain and getting lost in my own flaws that I forget how wonderful is can be to experience other people. There's no way of putting it that isn't silly. I think I often come across as an extrovert, and in the right circumstances I definitely am, but there's a huge part of me that is totally petrified by my own fabricated fears. What am I always so afraid of?
So much of the time, within the confines of everyday life, I find it so hard to reach out to people and to connect and make friends and relax and be myself, but when I get outside of that routine and enter into the realm of inhibition and wildness, into travel mode or festival mode, and I feel all my knots come undone and I'm able interact with people in a way that is totally different, that is totally genuine and uninhibited. I don't know why I can't do that every day.
It's nice to be aware of some of the differences within myself. This summer I'm going to have so much time on my hands, I'm really hoping I can use it to find fulfilling things to do and find people to be around that will pull me out of myself a little. In Spain, I was so aware of the necessity of taking advantage of every opportunity that presented itself, and I think because of that, I was able to give myself up to the universe and to the possibilities of life in a way that was really freeing and exciting. I want to start looking at every day as an adventure again.
